Friends. Our kids will make them, but that doesn’t mean we have to like the friends they choose. In a perfect world, all of their friends would be like the great kids they meet at camp – and there would always be a staff of top-flight coaches to keep those friendships Christ-centered! We know that the school year brings challenges that push us to be the “coach” who encourages our kids toward positive friendships.
When it comes to selecting friends, the Bible presents an interesting contrast. In 1 Corinthians 15:33, Paul states clearly, “Do not be misled, ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’” Plenty of parents have entered a control battle as a result of this verse. “You will not spend time with that person! He/She is a bad seed!” Interview those parents, and in most cases you’ll find that this is a battle the parent did not win. Prohibiting certain friendships only served to make those friends all the more attractive to their child. By contrast, Jesus came under constant criticism for spending so much of his time with the sinners of his world. He also encouraged his followers to engage in relationships with “less than perfect” people. Sometimes we forget that our kids can bring redemptive value into those friendships that we question. Is it possible that our kids often seek out friendships with people who need Jesus, while we tend to avoid folks like that? If you sense tension in your heart over this area, here are a few points to keep in mind:
1. Pray for the positive influence that your child can have on the friends who you don’t prefer. Taking a hard stance against those friends sends a message to your child, “Your positive influence on them is not nearly as strong as their negative influence on you.” We want to raise children with the message, “Your friends need a good influence like you. They are fortunate, and I’m praying for you!”
2. The main relationship to protect is the one that you have with your child. Do not risk it over a friend that you don’t like. Rather, open the dialogue with your child. Ask, “What do you enjoy about him? What makes being around her so much fun?” Staying involved in your child’s life in this way lets them know that you care about their perceptions and choices. It also allows you to share your opinions and the process by which you choose your adult friends.
3. Control what you can, and let go of what you can’t. If you don’t like one of your child’s friends, resist the urge to prohibit their time together at school. You simply won’t win that battle. Rather, encourage your child to invite that friend to your house. If they must spend time together, let it be in a setting where you can be involved, and where that friend can see the lifestyle you seek to promote as a family. Don’t minimize the ministry that you have in your child’s friend’s life. By engaging your child as a “ministry partner”, you may become the most influential “parent” figure that friend has ever met!
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