Taking Responsibility for Homework - Part 1

Summer is over. Camp is in the scrapbooks – or will be by Christmas. The school year brings new routines and rhythms, new seasons of sports and clubs, and (insert heavy sigh) homework. Homework may be the longest four-letter word in our vocabulary. Kids don’t enjoy it, and parents don’t enjoy forcing kids to do it.
 
Even the Bible reinforces the challenge we face. One mom lobbed a scripture grenade at her son. “Like Solomon said in Ecclesiastes, ‘I devoted myself to study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under heaven.’” Her son countered, “But then Solomon said, ‘and all of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind’!”
 
Nonetheless, it is our parental task to help our kids grow in wisdom. And this means helping them get the most out of their homework. Let me offer a couple of thoughts to keep in mind when homework becomes a challenge:
 

1. Homework is a learning opportunity, whether they do it or not. As Cline and Fay state in Parenting with Love and Logic, “Our kids’ homework is their problem. It’s their pencils that have to move, their minds that must be stretched, and their report cards that have to be toted home. After all, there are two ways to learn. ” If they do the homework, they learn something and can enjoy the feeling of task completion. If they submit incomplete homework they learn that success or failure in school belongs to them.
2. Helping with homework is not a problem, unless it becomes your problem. Who came up with this concept of “new math”? Some think it was an angry math teacher’s attempt to embarrass parents. “Does 2+2 equal 4? Well, maybe.” Really? We want to help our kids learn, and kudos to the parents who are willing to learn something new along the way. But when frustration sets in, it is time to check the internal pressure gauge. If it reads “hot,” take a step away. Your frustration does not make life easier for your child in the classroom. Pull out your diploma if necessary to remind yourself that homework, for you, is over. Resolve to celebrate over your child’s job well done, and inquire when they fail. But leave the work to them. 
3. Recalibrate your definition of academic success. Every parent wants to see a report card full of A’s. However, “B” doesn’t stand for “Bad” and “C” doesn’t mean “Catastrophe.” Truth be told, most adults live between the B and C level. We drive B, we work B, and we try to keep our relationships above a C. Resist the urge to push your child toward the kind of grades required for a full-ride scholarship. Much of their education takes the form of personal and social maturity – and that won’t ever show up on the report card.