Friday night. The bleachers are filled with emotionally charged students and parents ready to cheer their football team on to victory. The team bursts through the rally banner: “Fry the Falcons!” “Ransack the Rams!” “Demolish the Dirt Devils!” The referees step onto the field as pre-game frenzy builds. The battle begins…
Only, this isn’t a war. It’s not even a real enemy. And what happens in the heart and on the field has everything to do with an athlete’s ability to keep it all in perspective. Competitive juices flow, but they need not turn into a fit of rage or intent to harm.
If you discern that your child has adopted an “enemy” view of his or her opponents, it may be time to remember Jesus’ perspective on enemies. In Matthew 5, Jesus says, “You have heard it said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.”
Does this principle sound counter-intuitive to winning? Will it dissolve the competitive resolve of your budding athlete? Relax. It is possible to promote healthy competitiveness while guarding against a toxic attitude spilling into other arenas of life. A few principles to keep in mind:
1. Fun over First. If your child is not able to enjoy the competition or retain a positive perspective on an opponent, then it may be time for a chat. In his book Fair Play, Scott Lancaster comments, “Preconditioning children to value only final results in sports competitions robs them from the joy of spontaneous play and learning new skills in a positive environment.” Like we say at camp, “Don’t waste fun!”
2. Losing doesn’t make you a loser. It is tragic to see competition become a commentary on the personal value of the competitors. Counteract this idea by talking about God’s love as the source of our worth, not the score at the end of the game. Also, discuss that person on the other side of the field – God loves them too, and this should inspire a deep sense of respect in our hearts. Winning doesn’t make anyone more valuable in God’s eyes. Losing doesn’t make them less valuable either.
3. Pray. The Friday night showdown comes to an end. One team has lost, and the other advances in the standings. Yet in the middle of the field, players are not standing. They are kneeling. From both teams players have come together to thank God for the joy of competing. I love this tradition – a reminder that the opponent is a person, not an enemy. Does your child’s team not observe this post-game ritual? Then you do it. In the car on the way home, or later that night, take the initiative to pray with your athlete. Thank the Lord for the fun of competition, and pray for the day’s opponent as well. Win or lose.
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