Dating. Few topics provoke our protective instincts more than the topic of dating. Christian parents scratch our heads looking for Biblical guidance – where to set the “boundary fences” in a way that defines freedom and responsibility.
With a Family Matters subscription list approaching 800, there is little chance that I could write anything that everyone would agree on. Rather, I’m going to offer a few recommendations, along with scriptural references, that may help you set the fences in the right places. So pull out your Bible and see if these boundaries make sense in your family. It matters…
- Live in the light (Eph 5:8-14). Covert dating relationships invite trouble. Encourage your son or daughter to be open and honest about the person they like. A transparent relationship, even if you don’t prefer their choice, is far better than any relationship that exists “under cover”.
- Set Boundaries (1 Cor 7:35). In this letter to believers in Corinth, Paul lays down a volume of guidelines concerning many areas of life. He concludes a particular section regarding marriage by stating that these boundaries are not meant to restrict them, but so that they “may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” Age-appropriate boundaries might include curfews, places to go, times to “check in”, or a budget for dating. Remember to clarify that your intention is to promote a life of faith and godly devotion.
- Encourage Discernment (1 Cor 10:23-24). In a number of years, your child will be on his or her own, along with the responsibility to discern right from wrong. Rather than dictating good or bad choices throughout their teen years, use this passage to help them distinguish between what is permissible and what is beneficial or constructive. Apply this scriptural guideline to options now, and you’ll raise an adult who makes careful – and prayerful – decisions for a lifetime.
Comments
I loved the devotional on dating, but wanted to add a word of caution. We have raised our children to the best of our ability to know and love God and His Word. Being in youth ministry for the past 13 , they have grown up in a home where we have frank discussions about sex & dating and Gods' design for it. They have been taught serving our church family and been involved choir, VBS, mission trips, Christian camps, and now FCA and youth group. We have done family devotionals, years of home Bible studies, encouraged daily quiet times, and made sure we practiced what we preached. Even after all the love, prayer and guidance, both our teens made serious mistakes in this area. After dealing with the pain and seriously questioning God, we realized that there is no fool-proof formula for raising kids that will choose purity and God's way. And when we looked around at the parents we know in our church family, we see this to be true in many of their families as well. Parents who "did it right" yet apparently failed to "turn out" kids who all get it. Statements made in the Family Matters devotional like "Apply this scriptural guideline to options now, and you’ll raise an adult who makes careful – and prayerful – decisions for a lifetime" rings like a formula for sure success, though. My own parents are incredibly Godly people and did it "right" and yet my adult sister in her forties continues to deny Christ. Did my parents miss something?
After reading an article in Christianity Today titled "The Myth of the Perfect Parent" I realized we are called by God to be FAITHFUL parents, not SUCCESSFUL parents. We are so sure there are guarantees in God's Word about our kids if we can just find and apply them perfectly, but there aren't. And there are too many parents today feeling like failures that need love and encouragement. We continue to pray and carefully guide our own teens and have seen many miracles happen in this area of their lives this past year. Both are making strides to follow after God and we are praising Him for this. Thank you for offering much needed truth in the area of guiding our kids in this area. We seriously LOVE TBarM!!!!
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