Peer Pressure - Part 1

“He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.”  Proverbs 13:20
 
Classically defined, “peer pressure” is the effect that a group has on an individual to conform.  And, since by nature we prefer to be included, that pressure magnetizes us toward believing and behaving like those around us. 
 
Notice that this verse affirms the neutral nature of peer pressure.  It is just as likely that your son or daughter can find a home within a group that encourages wise thinking and acting.  Maybe your child has become part of that positive pressure to avoid self-destructive behavior.  Though we may think of wisdom differently as adults, be assured that youth have a strong capacity to know right from wrong – a potential that is either reinforced or challenged by their peers. 
 
Self-confidence lays at the root of most negative peer pressure.  It is vital that your child grow in his or her ability to think and to act according to an internal compass.  This includes two valuable concepts that you can work on at home.

1. Believing – Youth who have a well-developed understanding of what they believe are more likely to remain unswerving in the face of pressure.  This not only involves what they believe spiritually, but also their beliefs about any point of pressure they face – alcohol, illegal drug use, sexuality, and the like.  These conversations must become “normal” in your home, allowing your child the opportunity to express his or her emerging beliefs about these challenging life issues.  Resist the urge to force your child into your beliefs.  Rather, challenge unwise thinking with questions, giving him or her the opportunity to shift a position toward a more healthy and mature place. 
2. Behaving – Without question, youth who carry a clear set of beliefs are more likely to behave in accordance with their convictions.  Youth who say, “I don’t do that because it is not right” are youth who knew what was right before the opportunity to err surfaced.  My 7 year old recently told me a story about a school friend who talked her into breaking a playground rule.  I asked her to tell me why she thought the rule was important.  The moment she realized that the rule was to keep her safe, she not only committed to following it, but she decided to help her friend follow the rule as well.  The connection between right belief and right behavior carries through each stage of life.

Any teen who has the capacity to influence his or her peers in a positive direction has reached a place of confidence in what he or she believes.  He or she has also practiced behaving in a way that is consistent with those convictions.  As usual, that starts right in your home.