2 Timothy 4:2 Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage – with great patience and careful instruction.
Parenting requires both – great patience and careful instruction. This is never more difficult than during those years when our kids are challenging the values and behaviors we have labored to instill in them. Do these comments sound familiar?
“I don’t believe in God any more.” “Why go to church? It’s just full of hypocrites.”
Have your children begun to bow to the behavior of peers more than acting in accordance with logical and biblical thinking?
How are we to respond when kids push our behavior buttons? Try these with your children and see if they begin to wonder what alien abducted your body:
When it comes to your child’s actions, dial down your reactions – Dumb choices merit a strong emotional reaction. I know that feeling all too well. However, a strong emotional reaction may not help your son or daughter reach critical understanding on his or her own.
Use phrases like, “Well, that was an interesting choice. How did that work out for you?” Or, “So what do you think is going to happen next?” You know what is going to happen next, but it is vital that your child begins to learn how to connect behaviors to consequences – choices and outcomes.
When it comes to emotional reactions, focus on the outcome of the choice, not the character of your child. If you must react with emotion, then emote over the choice and not the child. “That was a dumb decision” is a very different message than, “You are so dumb!” If your son skips school to catch a movie, you understand the lack of wisdom in that choice. If he suffers in science as a result of that choice, then let the natural consequences play out – reinforcing to him that skipping class has an impact on his grades.
Yes, you might be able to “rescue” him from a bleak future of scientific ignorance, but that is not nearly as effective as allowing him to suffer the effect of his choices. Better to communicate, “I love you, and even though you might flunk out of science, I’ll love you through summer school as well.”
"Love and Logic" parenting works. If you’re not familiar with this approach, check out the resources available through Foster Cline and Jim Fay’s books, "Parenting with Love and Logic" and “Parenting Teens with Love and Logic.”
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