“If one wants another only for some self-satisfaction, usually in the form of sensual pleasure, that wrong desire takes the form of lust rather than love.” Mortimer Adler
“He that but looketh on a plate of ham and eggs to lust after it hath already committed breakfast with it in his heart.” C.S. Lewis
It is easy for us to equate lust with sexuality. However, a quick survey of society reveals that humanity lusts for all sorts of things: money, power, vengeance, adventure, and more. Take almost anything healthy and life-giving in this world, and you will find someone who lusts to have it. The Marquis de Sade once commented, “Lust’s passion will be served; it demands, it militates, it tyrannizes.”
God’s Word points to worldly cravings as the source of our lusts – “For everything in the world – the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life – comes not from the Father but from the world.” 1 John 2:16
How do we help our children develop internal controls that stand in defense against what their eyes and flesh lust to have?
- Discern what it is that your child really wants – Some kids lust for attention, approval, or a special relationship. When your son or daughter declares, “I REALLY want that!” think about the desire behind the object. Does he want to fit in, really badly? Does she want to consider herself beautiful, really badly? Behind every lust is a desperate desire for something, and a person will orient his or her life around getting it. Once you discern that deeper desire, seek to offer healthy alternatives and a godly perspective. For example, “You are beautiful already.” Or, “Son, you know that I love you even if you don’t play sports.” Speak to his or her desire with a voice of wisdom.
- Model self-control – Lust is natural. Indulgence is learned. Children grow up watching Mom and Dad in this area. When you model self-indulgence, you teach your child that whatever they lust to have, they can get. When you model self-control, you teach your children restraint and discipline. On a practical note, talk with your kids about something you want, why you want it, and how you plan to get it through exercising responsibility and self-control. This kind of parenting guards against all kinds of idolatry, in your own life and your kids.
- Regarding lust and sexuality, distinguish between lust and love – Lust is selfish; love is sacrificial. Lust destroys; love gives life. Lust runs over others; love blesses others. As your kids reach an age when the discussion about sexuality surfaces, teach toward an understanding of Christ’s love and look for examples that illustrate the destructive nature of lust. TV and movies provide a constant buffet of illustrations that allow you to ask, “Was that an example of lust or of love?”
Camper Corner
What do kids in your school lust to have? How might God provide what you want while keeping your heart from lusting to get it?
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