When your Kid isn't the "Best" - Part 1

The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. 1 Sam 16:7b
 
My oldest daughter, Molly, took a courageous step recently. She signed up for her first experience on a basketball team. Molly has average coordination – she competes more with her peers in the mental arenas – and she joined a team with kids who have been playing basketball for several years. She quickly realized that she wasn’t going to be the best on the team, and she might not be good at the sport at all. By the morning of the first game she had worked herself into a full-on, sick-to-her-stomach anxiety attack. 
 
After consulting with other dads who have tread these waters before me, I offered her some words of counsel. Maybe they can help you negotiate a conversation with your child when he or she comes up short.

1. Measure growth, not wins – Rather than defining her skills in comparison to the other team, or her teammates, I encouraged Molly to look at the progress she made in basketball skills since that first practice. During the game we watched for good dribbling, successful passes, take-aways, rebounds and hands-up defense. She enjoyed hearing about her personal stats, and it took her mind off of the need to compare her performance with others.
2. Celebrate a contribution to the team – Whether we talk about an athletic game or any other group activity where competition gets intense, we can spotlight the larger goal of the team. In addition to celebrating personal growth, point out the value your child brought to others – what he or she did to help someone else be successful. Even Christianity is meant to be a team experience. 
3. Above all, focus on the heart – God doesn’t look at our outward appearance, but on the character and intent of our hearts. No child likes to hear how not being the best builds character. But it does, and it gives him or her the chance to demonstrate graciousness and Christian love in a tangible way to others. Even if your child isn’t the best, did he or she enjoy participating? Was he or she able to be encouraging to others? If so, the Lord was certainly pleased. And that is better than being the best. 

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Camper Corner: 
What is one activity that you wish you were better at doing? How can you show personal improvement and a contribution to the group? What character traits might God be developing in you as you participate?