Communicating is an Art - Part 1

Matthew 15:10 – Jesus called the crowd to Him and said, “Listen and understand.” 
 
Communicating with a son or daughter may be one of the most tricky art forms in all of parenting. Often our language revolves around instructions, schedules, and information. What can we do to improve the quality of communication we share with our kids? Jesus offers two key words for us today. 

1. Listen – Multitasking may be acceptable when you are cooking and talking about homework, but when the conversation turns toward what a child values, it’s time to take a break. Surveys of teens that focus on parent-child communication report that kids most often complain that mom or dad don’t pay attention to what they are saying. Listening involves undivided attention, patience, and a measured response. And before you respond, get in the habit of asking three follow up questions on whatever topic is at hand. This tempers our tendency to jump to conclusions or rush to put forward our own story.  It is impossible to steal the conversation when you are asking a question, and it is hard to ask the right questions unless you have truly listened. 
2. Understand – Thomas Carlyle once commented that, “No person was ever rightly understood until they had been first regarded with a certain feeling, not of tolerance, but of sympathy.” I find that it is easy to tolerate my kids when they talk about their feelings. But if Carlyle is correct, what they really need is for me to care about their story – to sympathize with their experience – if they are to feel understood. This goes beyond listening attentively. It requires a parent to enter a son or daughter’s world long enough to remember what it feels like to be rejected by a friend, to fail an exam, to not make the school talent show, or to be excited by an invitation. 

 

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Camper Corner: 
 
Learning how to listen and understand is not just for adults. You can practice these key conversational skills as well. Think about the normal conversations you have with friends. Do people ask follow up questions, or do they tell their own stories? How can you express sympathy toward others when they share feelings about an issue, even if you might not feel the same way?