Everyone prefers to be liked. This desire to be liked by one’s peers becomes a powerful force as a child enters the pre-teen years.
These are the years when most researchers say that a parent’s voice becomes less important – and peer voices become more important – when it comes to social decisions. Sadly, this shaping influence doesn’t end with adolescence. Plenty of us know adults who continue to struggle with peer acceptance.
What can you do to help your child “adjust the volume” of those peer voices?
- Speak acceptance at home – While this may sound trite, it is far from it. Any child who knows that he or she is loved at home is less likely to be swayed by social pressures away from home. As parents we must continue to find the balance between correcting unacceptable behavior and communicating all-out acceptance of a child.
- Engage the arenas where peer influences surface – Clothing, cell phones, Facebook pages, and the full range of TV/Hollywood movies are all areas where peer influences show up. Recently our children were begging us to let them watch a certain TV program. It’s not that we disapproved, but we didn’t know enough about the content of the show to make a decision. When we dug a bit deeper we found out that this show is the non-stop topic of discussion on the bus to school each day. Our kids were feeling left out, and therefore unaccepted by their friends. After watching the show with our kids, we know enough about the characters to be informed. They tell us about the bus ride conversations, and we have the chance to help shape their perceptions of right and wrong behavior.
- Set your boundaries, and don’t feel the need to apologize – Without question, some parents will adopt different rules than you will. And these differences easily become the social tension our kids experience. “Why can’t I watch “R” rated movies like her?” “Why can’t I use the internet in my room? He gets to!” No amount of social pressure should force you to allow your kids to engage in activities that are outside of your comfort. You must be willing to endure your child’s wrath, but in the end, he or she will know that your rules are set out of love and care, regardless of what a friend might get to do.
Camper Corner
Do you ever feel like your friends have more permission to do stuff than you do? How can you balance their acceptance with knowing you are loved and accepted already by your parents and by God?
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