Esau said to Jacob, “Quick, let me have some of that red stew! I’m famished!” Jacob, replied, “First sell me your birthright.” “Look, I am about to die,” Esau said. “What good is the birthright to me?” Gen 25:29-32
And so the story goes; Jacob gains Isaac’s inheritance. When we remember the ancient story of Israel, we remember Abraham, Isaac and Jacob – not Esau. Why? Some say it comes down to a simple case of Esau’s inability to delay gratification. He just couldn’t wait to eat the stew.
In a most classic case study of delayed gratification, Walter Mischel at Stanford University tested 4 year old kids to see if they would eat a marshmallow immediately, or if they could wait 20 minutes and receive two marshmallows. If you’re not familiar with how excruciating this is for kids, check out this modern video clip to watch the agony!
After tracking with the kids in the original experiment, Mischel discovered some surprising data. The kids who were able to exercise self-control performed better in school, were more socially adjusted, and scored an average of 200 points higher on their SAT scores than the kids who gave into the marshmallow temptation.
First, understand that the study doesn’t prove that self-control alone is a predictor of lifelong success. But let’s consider three long-term benefits of helping our kids learn delayed gratification.
- Patience – In our “have it now” culture, we often forget that God works mysteriously over the long haul. His blessings and His justice often emerge far later than we desire. To teach our kids patience is to teach them to trust the very heart of God. Try using your child’s “allowance” as a means to teach patience. Offer an “interest incentive” if they will save a few months toward something they really want.
- Self-control – Delayed gratification comes from one’s ability to control his or her impulses. Self-control reigns in the array of impulses that we all want to act on. One of our friends has a son who was in constant motion. She had him stand still in front of her for a few minutes each day, just to show him that he could actually control his own body. Though challenging at the time, this boy now shows signs of self-control in other areas of life as well.
- Suffering – While it would be a stretch to call the marshmallow test “suffering,” God uses suffering in our lives to deepen our character and to humble our hearts. While we want to guard our children from harm, allowing them to suffer while they wait for something good actually helps prepare them for many of life’s challenges ahead.
Camper Corner
Can you think of an example of a time when you chose to put off getting something immediately in order to get something better later on? How do you think that may benefit you later on in life?
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