Parents Guiding Dating - Part 1

“Above all else, guard your heart, from everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23
 
Many of us may have grown up with this as a guiding verse regarding dating relationships. The message was, “Don’t let yourself get so involved emotionally with someone that you lose perspective, control, or your sense of self.” Those are important words and values worth reaffirming in this next generation of kids. 
 
However, I’m not at all convinced that this is the message or intent the Psalmist was trying to convey. The primary reason to guard one’s heart is not to keep relationships at arms length, or to be self-preserving, or to avoid the emotional pain that comes in relationships. Again, while the way we’ve used this verse has merit, I think we would do well as parents to consider the equally powerful value of what the Psalmist was trying to convey. 
 
The phrase “guard your heart” is a defensive posture – it is a way of keeping something bad from entering. In today’s culture we could compare this phrase to a basketball game. While on defense your goal is to guard the basket – to keep the ball from getting in because allowing the other team to score would be bad. 
 
Take note of this: The rest of Psalm 4 is not about relationships. Psalm 4 addresses the danger of sin. Keep wisdom IN our hearts (verse 21) so that you can keep sin from entering your heart – which leads to corrupt talk and perversity (verse 24). The Psalm even concludes with the phrase, “Keep your foot from evil.” 
 
This verse is not about keeping dating relationships OUT of our hearts, but about keeping sin from coming INTO our hearts. How does this relate to dating? Ask yourself these questions when your son or daughter expresses interest in someone to date:

1. Does this person increase or diminish my child’s interest in Christ?   If your son or daughter is losing interest in faith as a result of this relationship, then it is time to talk about the dangers of dating someone who doesn’t share your love for God.
2. Does this person hold to a Biblical ethic about sexuality? Normal human teens will struggle to control the physical dimension of their relationship. That is a fact. The real issue is the degree to which both teens have a firm belief that God intended sexuality to be expressed exclusively within the covenant relationship of marriage?
3. Is this person growing in his or her faith? Do not begin to expect spiritual maturity from a teenager. None of us had it when we were teens, and neither will your child. But consider the desire to grow in faith. Is he or she responsive to spiritual growth opportunities, insights and input from others? If so, you have far less to worry about than if your son or daughter is dating someone who already “possesses all of the answers”. 

---

Camper Corner
 What are the signs, in your opinion, of a healthy dating relationship? Do you think that a relationship that is a portal for sin to enter someone’s life could be considered positive or healthy?