Performance Based Relationships - Part 2

The Performance Factor
 
In life we face competition from the scholastic, social, sports and family arenas. Our American competitive spirit produces a high achiever mentality which makes it hard for us to adjust to failure, disappointment and hardship. The “suck it up” and “try harder” approach might have positive outcomes in sports, but when applying to family it can result in discouragement, delusion and divisiveness.
 
Parents, how well do you insulate your family from this dog-eat-dog, competitive, performance based culture? Do you provide family outlets to relieve the pressure? Do you give honest assessments and reinforce the value of each individual and their character? If not; stop, look and listen to your family.
 
Stop comparing your family to others and start cultivating a safe haven for your family to develop in. Look for signs and symptoms of both healthy and unhealthy family pressures and expectations. Then provide tangible feedback that includes encouragement and direction. Listen, with filters, to those outside your family and start hearing what your family needs for personal growth and development.
 
As a family have regular “Stop, Start, Continue” family check-ins which provide feedback about things that each one can personally “stop” doing (complaining, whining, etc.), “start” doing (encouraging, listening, etc.) and “continue” (respecting, helping, leading etc.). These honest sessions will provide beneficial insights and guidance.
 
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4. Father, do teach your son what it means to be a biblical man of valor and character; one that knows how to step up and step out as God leads. Fatherhood is not passive but active…get off the couch, put away the phone/remote/whatever…get involved.
 
Young boys often see their fathers as super heroes, but all too soon adolescence has a way of discovering just how human dad really is, therefore, be a father of honor and integrity.   Certainly set realistic and character developing standards and provide time for discussion and encouragement. Struggle well, and do not give up. Make appropriate adjustments as needed, keeping your focus clear while being flexible and graceful in delivery and expectations.
 
Ephesians 2:8-10 says “for by grace you have been saved”…not, “for by performance”…are you saved or accepted. Our Heavenly Father does not use performance based parenting in His relationship of acceptance nor should we. Accept the high call of parenting ---balance your parental training with clear attainable character based goals and objectives. Teach them to make tough decisions and keep tough commitments while you encourage them all along the way. Hurt with them. Celebrate with them. Pray, and laugh a lot.
 

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Camper Corner
How much pressure do feel from your parents to gain their approval? Take the risk of discussing any pressures you feel with your parents…be gentle in your presentation and seek to understand. Avoid the phrases, “you always” and “you never”. Remain calm and respectful knowing that discussion is healthy and important.